They’re closing in on Featherman, at last, but there’s a lot more to it. Cursing the typos I’m finding, 20 years later. These things are in the published version! I’ve found at least 10 out of 87,000 words, but it’s incredibly irritating.

However relieved everyone was that the White affair was now over, it had left a taste. Somebody had wandered in and made a lot of money and wandered out. The only person who might possibly have had any more information was the unlikely Fazzina, whom they all heartily despised. They cut cards who was going to speak to him, and Keith Stone got the job.
Stone didn’t like Fazzina and he made sure he knew it. Fazzina was herded into Stone’s office. He looked like an old 50s poster for an Italian B movie star; dated, out of place, and too heavily made up. Unfortunately, he acted like a late 80s soap opera: tame, unconvincing, and largely superfluous. Stone asked Fazzina if there was anything he’d like to say about his role in destroying the Australian agency. He added that they weren’t yet sure whether there was any point in pressing charges.
It was the one consistent thing in Fazzina’s reputation that anyone who’d ever met him thought of him as a weakling. The idea of charges was guaranteed to cut a hole, and it did. A torrent of half-understood information duly gushed out, in a very convoluted way. White had said that he wanted the Australian agency to be wound up and tangled in a mess of contractual disputes. It was to get a bad reputation for its work and generally stink.
Being one of the “Yeah Boss” brigade has the advantage that you don’t have to do a lot of thinking. Fazzina had therefore just done what he was told. He spent most of his time in pubs, to which he’d been introduced by Nigel. It seemed Nigel knew everything on two legs that was able to fit onto a bar stool in Sydney, and a large number of contacts was gathered, all of whom were oddly prepared to accept money for doing very little. All Fazzina had had to do was say “production” and Nigel usually dug up something or someone. The American copywriters were the only people that Fazzina had actually had to bring with him, courtesy of White. They were for appearances, and they were naturally expensive.
Stone listened with interest as Fazzina explained that Harvey White…… Fazzina didn’t know his real name even now….. had been the mastermind of the various ruses. He hated Goldstein and wanted to get rid of him; Al Hickey was the other guy he wanted to get rid of or at least out of the country, etc., etc.
Fazzina was sticking to a line that was now ancient history. He obviously knew even less than Harvey White. Stone asked in passing if Fazzina had ever met Mick Featherman.
“Yeah….. Strange guy. White always had him around when he was doing something big. I didn’t talk to him much except to say hello…. He didn’t seem to do very much, though. I never really got a straight answer why he was in on any of it.”
David, Al, and just about everyone else had decided that Featherman was the only visible link to everything that had happened. Nigel’s uncharacteristic and bizarre elevation to master criminal seemed to have coincided with his association with Featherman. White clearly didn’t have either the information, contacts, money or the brains to come up with whatever scam had been going on right under his nose for nearly six years. Featherman was the only person involved with all of it. Another thing was also clear; all of Featherman’s associates seemed to have had nasty career changes in the last few months.
Stone pushed a button. A couple of plain clothes cops came in. Fazzina was advised that he was a material witness to a major crime, and it would therefore be advisable that he remained findable. One of the cops, who’d been listening, said he might even be able to get on a Witness Protection Program.
Who says cops have no sense of humor? thought Stone. Fazzina wouldn’t have made a reliable witness to his own birth.
This confirmation of Fazzina’s utter worthlessness was duly relayed to Al. A meeting of the minds brought in Alan, Bill and Stan. They held a video conference with David, Keith, Saul, and an American detective called Phil, and compared notes. Featherman was now a marked man. Some intense investigation discovered that Featherman had no assets in Australia or the US other than his credit card accounts, and very dry reading they made. He never had more than a few thousand in them, and they were all paid on time. He spent a lot of time in Europe, particularly Scandinavia, and quite a lot of time in Hong Kong. There, according to Interpol, he did have property, but not big property. A house, and a large-ish bank account that never went over a couple of million. Prosperous, but not unreasonably so. It was the sort of money he could easily say came from his earlier incarnation as an Australian business consultant.
“Hate to say it, but this bastard’s a professional. He doesn’t have any priors, not even a parking ticket,” said Alan.
“Yeah, but if he’s a career scam artist, why dice all his partners?” asked Phil. “He’s killed off just about everyone we know he’s ever been associated with.”
“Maybe that’s it; if you’ve got the cake, you don’t need the bakers. Take the money and shoot through,” suggested Stan.
“…. And if they don’t know enough to tell anyone what’s really been happening…?” added Saul.
“Which they definitely don’t. Harvey, Tony and Nigel wouldn’t qualify as star witnesses in a kindergarten play,” agreed David.
“Leaving us with the question, what is so important he’d suddenly shut up shop on a multi million dollar racket?” asked Al.
“He’d only do that if he didn’t need it any more,” said Alan.
There was a noise outside on the Australian end of the link. The Americans looked bemused as there entered a rather hasty looking, garishly dressed Bruce, pursued by Carla, who seemed a bit more carnivorous than usual.
“Mr. Hickey….? Oh, you’re Mr. Hickey? My name’s Bruce? I don’t think we’ve met? I’m sorry to intrude? You know Nigel? Oh, you’re that nace policeman…? Nace to see you again?”
David, watching, noticed Carla’s expression roaming between fury and an obvious need to laugh, hard. Bill had gently motioned her away, but she remained, tense, about to pounce. Bruce prattled on happily…
“Well, Mr. Hickey, our Nigel said he’d remembered something about that affair with Mr. Fazzina? You know, that nace boy with no brains and the hair that time forgot? (Notices video conference, waves.) Oh hello, everyone, how are you? I’m sorry, this couldn’t wait?” (The Americans wave cheerfully to Bruce while Al, his face on hold, debated the merits of having hysterics.)
“Well, anyway, our Nigel said that Mr. Fazzina had introduced him to this Mr. Featherman? And Nigel remembers that it was Mr. Featherman telling Mr. Fazzina how to find all these people? And one of them was a Mr. Morgan? And Mr. Morgan was the one who gave Nigel all those cosmetics? And he knows Mr. Featherman, too? And now Mr. Morgan’s in prison with Nigel? And everyone thinks that this Mr. Featherman had something to do with it all? Nigel said that Mr. Featherman told Mr. Fazzina he should try to discredit that nace Mr. Goldstein who let Nigel keep his job after Nigel got drunk that time?…..”
“Ah, Bruce…? Actually, it’s good you came? We were just now discussing Mr. Featherman…..I wonder if I could have a word? Officially?” asked Stan, looking like a kindly uncle who just happened to be wearing a police commissioner’s uniform asking his favorite nephew about a lost puppy. They wandered out in animated conversation.
Al looked at Carla. An eyebrow bravely raised itself.
“He’s quicker than he looks,” she explained.
David chuckled.
“Be fair, Al, that guy’s obviously just not in any one place at any one time….. how do you expect her to catch him?”
“Was that right, David, you didn’t fire the guy for being drunk? You going soft?” asked Keith.
“Nah. This was before he got chronic. Then, it was a novelty. He’s what the Aussies seem to think is a normal drunken Englishman. It took him twenty minutes to find his way into his own chair at his own desk, and even then he didn’t know what to do with it when he got there. I must have started seeing it as a script for something.”
“Well, if I understood half of that, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t, we’ve got something that looks like a story, with or without comprehensible witnesses,” said Bill, straying fortuitously back onto the subject.
“Oh, come on, Bill? You don’t think that it’d be that simple? Do you really? You don’t think the guy’s syntax alone would cause a mistrial? Do you?” asked Saul, batting his eyelids.
Al had tried hard, but that was too much. He started to laugh and just couldn’t stop. The others watched with interest as he slowly folded up over a period of a couple of minutes, shaking with silent laughter. It was at this point that Dorothy arrived. There was a respectful silence from all the males present. Carla confined herself to indicating the area in which Al was to be found. She was looking utterly glamorous, incredibly sexy, and radiant. She looked at the disheveled, giggling mess on the floor.
“We really will have to talk to the cleaners. Look, there’s a spot on the carpet,” said Dorothy to Carla, who nodded sagely.
This was David’s first sight of Dorothy, and he informed Al that if he didn’t marry her, he’d wasted the last forty one years breathing. Al agreed.
